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GET THOSE DOCUMENTS

Soldiers, if you are about to go to Iraq or Afghanistan make out a living will and power of attorney. Be sure there are enough copies with enough people that those documents will be available if needed. This is absolutely vital as the chances of receiving a life-altering disability that would render you unable to speak for yourself are greater in this war than ever before. The papers the military has you sign with regards to what you want done if you should die are not honored if you live, but are incapacitated. Learn from the following story and protect yourself and your loved ones!

Jose Pequeno was the Chief of Police of Sugar Hill, New Hampshire, a loving husband and father. He was also a member of the National Guard and when the time came to serve his country, he bravely volunteered to go to Iraq. This could not have been an easy choice for Jose. He had to weigh his wish to be home for his family against keeping them, as well as his community and country, safe from terrorism. Jose left this country a strong and honorable man, believing that if he did his duty for his country and was one of the unlucky ones to pay the ultimate price his country would honor his duty to his young family. He did not pay with his life, but he was one of the unlucky ones. He became a victim of a roadside bomb and returned to his homeland with serious brain damage.

The people of Northern New Hampshire know how to do the right thing. They stood by their fallen hero and friend, rallying around his family and starting a fund to help bring Jose home. Money was raised and a house was built. Those who knew Jose knew that he was a proud and devoted father and more than anything, he needed and deserved to be near his children. His wishes, which were carefully detailed in numerous signed government documents, must be carried out. To the people of Northern New Hampshire, this was a simple matter, one of respect for a man of integrity who had never wavered in his duty to family, community, and country. They did not waver in their duty to him. They did not question Jose’s decisions or try to alter or pervert his wishes. The people of New Hampshire showed their respect for Jose as a man of heroic proportions. They built his family a home and looked forward to his return, but it was not meant to be.

Jose made his priorities clear before he left for Iraq. If he were to die, his assets and benefits would all go to his wife and children. This country was to protect his chosen and stated dependents. His children would loose their father, but they would not be denied the full respect and benefits owed because of his sacrifice. The men and women of our military make such decisions daily, but there is no provision in all those official documents for what is to happen in case they do not die, but are no longer able to speak for themselves. When this did happen to Jose, none of the papers that he signed were binding. Jose could not speak so others spoke for him, but those others were not the people designated in his will or any of the other documents that he had signed.

The story of Jose should have been about Jose the man – about his values, his intentions, his actions. The wishes of Jose should have been honored. They were not. Others made decisions for Jose that were directly counter to the ones he chose for himself and his family. Jose is severely handicapped, but it was his brain which was affected, not his status as a man. He still lives and he deserves respect. Unfortunately, decisions were made by people who felt they knew Jose’s family and Jose’s wishes better than Jose. His instructions on what was to be done in case he was killed were ignored because, well, he was not dead. His wife and children were shuttled to the background and he was placed back in the care of his mother. Now will someone please tell me, what grown man, a husband and father no less, wants to go back home to live with Mom?

Unfortunately it is too late to reverse the results of the decisions that were made for Jose in the early days of his treatment and he is no longer able to return to his family as originally planned. His family and his community still miss him, but the military is keeping him in Florida – too far for anything but infrequent visits. This is tragic and I, for one, would like to know how our government could allow this to happen, but more importantly, there is a major “heads up” in the story of Jose Pequeno for our military and any soldier going off to war.

Death is not the only potential outcome of war that could require that a soldier’s affairs be taken over by others, yet Jose was given no documents to sign detailing what was to be done if he were to be injured in such a way that he could no longer speak for himself. That is a critical oversight on the part of the military. Our soldiers need that legal protection so that there will never be another tragic outcome like the story of Jose Pequeno.

Soldiers – your country loves and honors you, but they may not always know or do what is best for you. If you are headed for Iraq or Afghanistan and the military has not yet rectified this legal oversight, for heaven’s sake, protect yourself and your family! Have a lawyer draw up a living will and power of attorney detailing what is to be done in case you are incapacitated, who is to speak for you and make critical decisions for you. Make lots of copies and distribute them among as many people that you trust as you can. If you are completely incapacitated there will be money involved. Make sure it is clear who is to handle that money. If you do not the government will decide for you and it may not, and if Jose’s story is any indication, will not be who you would have chosen. You could loose your life in war. That is a chance you must take, but don’t take a chance of loosing your dignity as well. Make sure your legal protection is a thorough as your protection from bullets and bombs should be. Rumor has it your protection on the field of battle has been a bit spotty in the past . . . well now you know . . . it’s been a bit spotty stateside as well. Don’t take a chance of having the government take over as husband and father to your family. Get those papers and sign them now!

You may have followed the story of Jose or heard about him on the news. If you would like the rest of the story, would like to know what Jose Pequeno had intended, you may view the documents he filled out and signed himself before leaving for Iraq by clicking HERE. Let Jose speak for Jose. He knew what he wanted.

WE ARE HERE THANKS TO THEM

We, as citizens of the United States of America, are in danger of neglecting and weakening our future by denying those components of our past that have contributed greatly to our strength as a nation. This country was founded by men of character who knew that their descendant’s right to life and liberty, as well as their own personal honor, was more important than their immediate life. We are here thanks to men who were not afraid to do what was necessary in a just cause. These men did not compromise what they knew was right, even when forces around them begged them to reconsider, to bow to the laws of England, to desert their cause for the siren call of comfort and safety. If it were not for these hard, stubborn and difficult men we would be standing to “God Save the Queen” before every sporting event today. We owe these men and we have a duty to remember what they fought and died for and to maintain the foundation that was laid by them upon which our precious freedoms stand.

My grandfather, Joseph de Santos, the son of an immigrant family, worked for the railroad and was Boston’s bare-fisted boxing champion. My grandmother, Nellie Dunham, traced back to Plymouth Colony and taught piano and opera. That union produced my father, Edgar de Santos, who manned a floating power plant behind enemy lines during WWII, a mission vital to our success in that war from which he was not expected to return. On my mother’s side both grandparents, Chester Poole and Margaret Matheson, came from families that fought in the American Revolution and created some of Massachusetts’ most prominent cities. One of their daughters, Rachel Poole, went on to teach business and economics to college students and was one of the early proponents for the equality of women and respect for the environment through personal example and tireless work in the fledgling Appalachian Mountain Club. Edgar de Santos did survive the daily Nazi bombings and married Rachel Poole. Their union produced one child, me, Deborah de Santos, a veteran of the civil rights battles and the anti- war movement of the 60s, a mother and grandmother, and now that my youngest son is nearly a man, again an active and persistent proponent for the cause of human rights, especially where it is more convenient and comfortable to ignore those rights.

Those who know of my extensive activities against the Vietnam War as well as the fact that I did not support us going into Iraq sometimes assume that I am not a fan of the men who wear a uniform and dedicate their lives to protecting ours. Nothing could be further from the truth. My ancestors fought long hard battles, some lay down their lives so that I could have the privileges I enjoy today. My own father gained much of his strength and wisdom from his time spent in the military. Willingly stepping forward and facing one’s own mortality day after day for a greater cause can bring out the best in a man. We ignore that at our peril.

I've had the good fortune to have had a father who faced the Nazi bombs in WWII, to have been taught French by a man who was here on political asylum for having tried to kill Papa Doc of Haiti, to have had for a neighbor a man who fought wars for a living, to have dated and had as friends a number of police officers while living in LA (they aren't all corrupt there, you know) and now to have a close friend, Audrius, who has fought in 3 wars for another country. Every one of these men has a special strength about him. The uniform and the training, the learning to work as a team, the pain and the challenges that are part of earning the right to wear that uniform – that does something for a man.

Women complain about men not communicating, not wanting to talk, not being willing to get in touch with their feelings. Sisters, I know what you mean, but let me tell you, the most talkative men I've known have usually worn a uniform at some time in their life. The most passionate men I've known have usually worn a uniform. The most dependable men I've known have usually worn a uniform. The tenderest men I've known have usually worn a uniform. These men have been tested and know themselves. They know what it is to feel fear and act anyway. Why do you think a man doesn't communicate well? – Fear. If fear is no longer a problem, just another emotion to be handled when it crops up, the man will communicate just fine – that is, assuming that you don't give him a reason not to.

I've sat with a friend of mine who is a police officer and had conversations that would rival any I've had with a woman for insight and understanding. I've explored goals and feelings with a professional soldier and talked of how police work can alter one's perceptions of people with one of LA's bad boy cops. I've yet to have one of these guys fail me. My friend, Audrius and I have talked long into the night about philosophy, politics, the Bible, caring for animals, child-rearing, social issues, philosophy (I already said that – I know – he's big on philosophy), fashion, war, diet and exercise, childbirth, construction, history, feelings, culture, landscaping, goals – you name it we've discussed it – he can put my closest girlfriends to shame for his ability to carry on a conversation. When I had a medical emergency this summer and my husband and I were caught up with 6 hours of travel each day, back and forth to Boston, it was Audrius who picked up the slack for us – unasked. It was Audrius who understood what was needed and stepped up to do it. That's a soldier for you – goes the extra mile without complaint – always ready to serve.

These men are the best that we have and we are making a grave mistake when we do not show them the appreciation that they deserve. Too often instead of respect, they receive abuse. People see a man who wears or has worn a uniform and they think they're looking at Mr Macho, but few are and when one does slip into a macho moment, what does that really mean? Such behavior is based on insecurity. If the guy's insecure, why is that? If he has faced down serious physical opposition and is still walking around, why would he feel insecure? The popular belief is that these guys can't take the strain of war, but I believe there is a lot more to it than that. Sure, they get a little shell shocked at times, but they also learn that they can walk into hell and survive – since when did that create insecurity? If a man like this is having difficulties, maybe something in his immediate surroundings is helping to create that. I'd like to propose that some of the problem is us. When men in uniform put their lives on the line for us and we minimize that, invalidate the pain of what they saw and did, or had done to them . . . when we turn our backs, or blame them . . . how are they supposed to feel? How would you feel under such circumstances?

Another belief is that these guys are not the brightest bulbs in the pack. Okay, I haven't done a complete survey, but I've gotta say, the ones I've known have been brilliant. Again, with what they do, they wouldn't go far if they were stupid. I used to believe the "not too bright" theory myself. My dad was brilliant, my French teacher was too, but I figured they were exceptions. So far every soldier and every police officer I've gotten to know well has been highly intelligent – I have yet to meet a dumb one (I have met a few vicious ones, but that is another topic). There is something about physically overcoming obstacles, something about combat, something about putting one's body on the line, something about that uniform and being part of a team that strengthens and disciplines the mind – that makes men.

So I'm standing here to say that I'm a big fan of a man in uniform. I think he's gorgeous, noble, amazing and deserves our ultimate respect. We haven't been giving it to him, worse, we've abused the hell out of him and still he stands tall and gives us his best. Time to step up and recognize – to give him our best back. He deserves at least that from us.

I’ve been a men’s rights advocate for two decades. Any woman who takes pride in herself and is not seeking a free ride would be; it’s nothing spectacular. I’m an old-school feminist who knows equal rights mean equal responsibility, who knows women are never so weak that men can be responsible for all our problems and who actually admits that she likes sex – with a man.

Recently a number of incidents, all involving men who wear or did once wear a uniform, occurred in my area in quick succession. It has gotten my attention and I have no intentions of remaining silent. Our military, police, all the men who put their lives on the line and do the worlds dirty work while the rest of us stay safe and warm at home are getting a raw deal. They are the ultimate man so the new-wave anti-male mentality is hitting them extra hard. Because I’m a rather difficult woman who’s not looking for a hero to save me I’ve paid little attention to such men, but they keep finding me. I can no longer ignore them so I am creating a special area just for men who have willingly placed themselves in harms way over and over again. They are a special breed and we owe them our gratitude. The bills come due – time to pay up.